Living with a Hoarder: A Practical Guide to Decluttering

Living with someone who hoards can be overwhelming. It can bring up feelings of frustration, stress, embarrassment—and at times, it may even create safety concerns in the home.

What makes it especially challenging is that hoarding is a recognized mental health condition. It’s not simply a bad habit or a matter of choice. Even when a person wants to stop hoarding, doing so without professional support is incredibly difficult.

That means that nagging, pleading, or issuing ultimatums rarely make a lasting impact. In fact, they can sometimes make things worse.

But there are steps you can take. With the right approach, it’s possible to create a bit more order, reduce clutter, and make small improvements—even while living with someone who hoards.

Here are 8 helpful tips:

1. Recognize that Hoarding is a Genuine Mental Health Condition

Supporting someone who struggles with hoarding requires a deep well of patience and compassion. It can be incredibly frustrating when their fear of letting go—even of seemingly trivial items like old papers—impacts your daily life and takes over shared spaces. You might find it hard to relax on the couch, cook a meal, or use the bathroom comfortably.

Still, acknowledging the emotional weight this disorder carries is the first step toward meaningful change. Addressing the issue with understanding, rather than anger or blame, increases the chances of creating a more livable and peaceful home—for both of you.

2. Educate Yourself About Hoarding

If your partner is struggling with hoarding, one of the most helpful things you can do is learn as much as possible about the condition.
Understanding the why behind the behavior can help you approach the situation with empathy instead of frustration.

A great resource to start with is Hoarder Anonymous, where you can hear real stories, access support, and learn how others have navigated similar challenges.

Face the Issue with Compassion:

Hoarding isn’t something you can just ignore and hope will go away—it needs to be addressed. But how you approach it matters. Come to the conversation with kindness, patience, and compassion. Remember, it’s not just about the stuff—it’s about what that stuff represents.

3. Have an Honest and Supportive Conversation

Begin by gently talking with your loved one about their hoarding behaviors. Express your concern from a place of care, not judgment, and encourage them to consider working with a professional who specializes in hoarding.

Let them know you’re in this together—and that you’ll be there to support them every step of the way, especially as they begin counseling or treatment.

4. Create a Dedicated Space for Their Belongings

Choose a specific area—whether it’s a spare room, part of the garage, or even a rented or purchased storage unit—where your loved one can keep the items they’re not ready to let go of.

Let them know this is their personal zone. As long as the space remains safe, organized, and free from fire hazards, they have full control over what stays there.

5. Support the Hoarder in Relocating Items Thoughtfully

Assist the hoarder in moving their belongings to the designated area, but let them take the lead in the process.

Resist the temptation to discard anything, even if it seems unimportant to you. Giving them control helps reduce stress and preserves trust, which is essential during this emotional task.

Remember, this process takes time. Clearing items from the rest of the house won’t happen overnight—and trying to rush it can create unnecessary anxiety or resistance. Patience and empathy go a long way here.

6. Establish Clear Boundaries

Agree that shared spaces in your home should remain tidy and clutter-free.

If needed, gently remind your partner to relocate their belongings to their designated space or personal room. It’s all about keeping common areas calm and welcoming for everyone.

7. Stay Engaged with Professional Support

Encourage the individual to continue working with a professional who specializes in hoarding behavior. Ongoing guidance can make a significant difference in their progress.

With consistent support, they may gradually feel ready to address the clutter and take meaningful steps toward reclaiming and maintaining a clean, safe space.

8. Control What You Can — Let Go of the Rest

It’s natural to want a clutter-free home, but it’s important to remember: you can’t control other people’s habits or choices.

What you can control is your own space and your own actions. When you shift your focus there, you’ll likely feel less overwhelmed and more empowered.

Tidy what you can. Let go of what you can’t. Stressing over things beyond your control only adds to the clutter—mentally and physically.

Final thoughts:

While these steps might seem simple on the surface, the process can be incredibly challenging, and meaningful change often happens very slowly—if it happens at all.

Even after a space has been cleared, someone who hoards may continue to struggle with the underlying issues for the rest of their life.